Barbara Nelson

The Green, Greener Grass of Now
by Barbara Nelson

 

We have all been there. Standing in a place where the grass seems dull and yellow, but right across the fence its bright green and lush. But instead of wondering how we can get our grass that green, we hop over the fence.

If you find yourself saying things like “If I could only get a job with that company and make more money, I would be happy” or “If I could finally find a man who treated me right, I would be happy,” then keep reading.

Take it from a woman who has jumped fences one to many times, the grass always seemed greener until you got over there. Unhappiness is not something you can solve from an outside stimulus and 99.9 percent of time once you spend time in that other yard the grass will begin to look just as dull and dry as your old yard.

Whatever issues you are unhappy about will follow you over that fence, sprout roots and grow in the soil you are standing on. So the best way to get green grass is stay where you are and start pulling up those weeds and fertilizing the lawn you already have. By this I mean, accept where you are and try to identify and process those things that make you unhappy in your life first before you make drastic changes.

Is your job unrewarding, what about it makes you unhappy, unsatisfied or unfulfilled? Is there anything you can do in your current job to make it better? What benefits do you get by staying there? Think of all the positive attributes about your job. Does it allow you to pay your bills or does it give you the experience that would help you get a better job?  Try to put things into perspective and be grateful that you aren’t standing in the unemployment line. Make a list of things you like as well as dislike about your job. Then start sending out resumes and start telling people that you are looking for a new job. At the same time, stop complaining about your current job. Complaining always draws more of what you don’t want.

If you are alone and unhappy, but think a relationship is going to make you happy, you’d better find out why you aren’t happy by yourself. Relationships do not make you happy. Happiness is not something you find, it’s something you create. To create your own happiness requires acceptance of yourself, the good and the bad. The healthiest relationships are between two individuals who are already happy with themselves. Two miserable people trying to find happiness through each other will only find more misery. Misery always loves company. Is there anything you can do now to improve your chances of having a healthy relationship, what changes can you make in your life right now that would increase your happiness? In addition, it’s always helpful to identify and process what went wrong in your past relationships. Did you proceed too quickly into intimacy? Did you miss warning signs early on that would have indicated that a person wasn’t right for you? Lastly, start making new friends, without the intent of finding anything but friendship. Love happens. It isn’t forced into being and it certainly doesn’t happen when we are complaining about how miserable we are being alone. So stop being alone and surround yourself with like-minded friends who uplift you. Who knows one of those like-minded friends might be related to the love of your life.

You’ve got to make the best of where you are right now. That’s the only way your life can change. Otherwise you are going to constantly be looking for the next best thing to pin your happiness on. What you don’t accept will merely persist in your life and you may find that your next job will be just as unsatisfying as your old job or that your new love interest won’t be any different than the last jerk you dated. The only thing you can change is you and the way you react to current circumstances in your life. Right Now is the only moment you have, so stop complaining and start appreciating the ground you are standing on. You may just find that you were standing on the right side of the fence all along.

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